Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
