I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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