This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize