You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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