Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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