Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
