I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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