I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
