She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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