so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
