Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
