There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
