The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
