I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
