Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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