Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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