I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
