Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
