My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
