He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
