Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
