there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
