remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
