Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
