I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
