I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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