yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
