Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
