I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
