I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize