I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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