I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
