CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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