How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
