I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
