can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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