babies were throwing up all over the place
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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