I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize