similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize