Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
