I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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