dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
