So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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