I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
