I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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