??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
