Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
