Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
