I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
