Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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