the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
