Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're too hungover to prance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize