Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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