my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
