Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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(970): View more from Colorado

3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..

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(248): View more from Michigan

That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

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(563): View more from Iowa

it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos

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(613): View more from Ontario

I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.

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