how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
