he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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