Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm really busy with my period
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