The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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