carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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