Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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