I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
